Elder Holland once said in a Face to Face for young single adults, “You don’t have to be hasty, and you don’t have to get peptic ulcers over getting married. But you also should not hang back on a good thing. You go for a good thing, and don’t wait. For example, don’t wait for money. If we’d have waited till we had any money, we still wouldn’t be married.”
Who we decide who we are going to get married is one of the biggest decisions we make in this life, and hopefully we only make that decision once. I have found myself very far down this process of getting married to someone I have felt overwhelmingly should be the one, but there is still a lot to do and know before we get married.
So this last week I actually stumbled across a questionnaire from Richard G. Scott on 75 questions you should ask your loved one before you get married. These questions range from all over the place about debt, to children, to parent involvement, to arguing. Conner and I have taken the time to sit down and go over each question and have a very meaningful conversation about all of them. It has been a real bonding experience with each other. I found out that there were things that I just assumed about him that were very wrong.
And because we were having this conversation we were able to talk things out and explain our own points of view. It was also something that has taken us days to discuss. We didn’t just sit down in one day and just shoot questions at each other, but we have spread it out to numerous times throughout a week. We made a date out of it by going to lunch and just sit down and discuss these things.
Now would I say that I am ready for all the trials of marriage with my future spouse? Like above with Elder Holland, if I would have waited, I still wouldn’t be married. There is a certain excitement and necessity to undergo those trials together. To walk into the unknown. I know already that there are going to be times where Conner annoys me, or we get into arguments, but we shouldn’t allow that to scare us into making these big decisions. But there are positive ways to address these things
A couple weeks ago I realized that whenever I asked Conner a question about what he wanted, he was very indecisive. I grow frustrated because I do not want to make a decision without his input. I know that he would do whatever I want but I do not want to choose something that he really does not want, and I do not want him to not tell me that it is not what he wants. This could lead to him being resentful for other things in our future relationship.
So I decided to take things into my own hands and have a conversation about it all, but in a nice way. I went to lunch with him at the Cross Roads. He was in the middle of a homework assignment that was due in an hour. He was almost done and so he just asked me to go order it. I was fine with that and asked him what he wanted. He then told me that he did not care. I looked at him and I said something like, “Fine, I would get you liver,” in a humorous tone. He looked at me and said something like, “No that sounds gross.” Then he realized what I was doing. He then gave me a legit answer to what he wanted.
This led to another conversation about his indecisiveness, and how he never wants to burden me with his decision. I told him that I want his input in making decisions in our marriage down to his food. He has since gotten very better stating what he truly wants. I am just excited to spend the rest of my life with him.
Family is Everything 